I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
