I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
