I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
