We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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