she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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