True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
