I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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