You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
