Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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