so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
