Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
