I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
