I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
