I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
