I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
