you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
