I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
