I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
