Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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