How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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