At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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