Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
