just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Soap is not a condiment
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize