to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
