Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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