Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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