a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
