My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
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i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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