make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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