my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
