wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
