Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
