wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
