I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
