do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
