Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
