The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We left the knife in your bed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
