ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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