I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
