I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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