I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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