Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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