I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
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