There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
