Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
