Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I enjoy the company of your penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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