before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
