i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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