Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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