i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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