OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
