I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
