I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
