I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
