Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
