I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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